Divorce Support For Parents: Successful Email Communication
Apr 13, 2010 Parents and Parenting
Want to successfully raise your children after divorce? Communication is a must! Though many divorcing couples would like nothing better than to sever ties, former spouses do become co parents. And clearly some co parenting situations are stressful. The negotiation process, which may have failed during the marriage, is dissolved. Many of the responsibilities of the past are gone with the onset of divorce; however, one remains. Co parenting your children is an ongoing, life-long job.
After divorce, parents sometimes feel free to express themselves and make individual parenting choices. This parenting isolation, however, puts children in a difficult situation. Children who are raised in two homes with two distinctive styles can become confused and emotionally unsettled. Parents need to remain in contact, which isn’t so easy if parents don’t like each other. At times, recommending contact is like forcing a child to eat broccoli.
Many therapists recommend email communication for co parents. Writing an email can be non-threatening if done properly. “Properly” is the key word here. I have spent years being copied on emails that frankly shocked me. Thus, to co-parent properly via email, parents can use a format that I call Kid News. Here’s what it might look like:
Kid News
Each family will have different items in their “Kid News.” Issues can be added as they arise. There are, however, two things to keep in mind. Firstly, children do best when they travel home to home rather than planet to planet. That is to say, that a consistent daily schedule is important. For instance, if while at mom’s home the child does his homework right after school, it is best if he does his homework after school at dad’s house too. If the schedule can be kept as consistent as possible, then the children will flow from one home to the other with ease.
Secondly, children have moods, develop phobias, and change developmentally rather quickly. “Kids News” can be a place to share concerns or observed changes. Finally, it is important to note that this is not the forum to discuss issues between parents. A line must be drawn between your personal relationship and your co-parenting responsibilities.
To make this work, parents pick a day to send their news based on the parenting plan schedule. If you drop off the children to their other home on Sunday night, send the Kid News on Monday. Write the newsletter using only the facts: “David had a cold this weekend. He rested and seems to be doing fine now.” Or “Julie gave me a form for school pictures. I copied it and put the form back in her backpack.” And be sure not to give instructions to the other parent like, “Make sure you give David his cough syrup at night.” You can say, “He slept well when he was given cough syrup at night.” Co parents must realize their range of influence over the other parent is limited. In my experience most parent-to-parent challenges are due to the desire for control over the other parent.
Both parents need to send news from their personal perspective and experience with the children. Always respond to the other parent’s news. Check through each item to see if a response is needed and, if not, thank the other parent for the effort. This will limit needless email contact. Finally, if you are the parent who is interested in Kid News and the other is not, continue to write. The other parent’s behavior should not influence the way you do your job.
Tags: Communication, Divorce, Email, parents, Successful, Support
Top 7 Parenting Tips for Good Parenting: Bring Out the Best in you and your Kids!
Apr 12, 2010 Parents and Parenting
Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!
Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.
Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.
Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!
One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.
Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!
Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!
Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children
No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.
Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!
Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called “How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling”. Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.
Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t
If children aren’t being appreciated and aren’t getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they’re doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.
Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return
Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!
Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!
Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.
These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.
Single Mother Help – Assistance for Disabled Single Mothers
Apr 11, 2010 Mothering
Disability in single mothers is hard. Aside from the fact that single mothers are left alone to care for their child, the disability has add up to the difficulty. Fortunately, there are already available services and assistance for disabled single mothers. A policy is also created to protect the rights of disabled single mothers as well as protecting them from discrimination at work. This policy is known as the American Disabilities Act. The services and assistance that are provided to disabled single mothers aim to help these mothers to overcome their disability and continue to live life together with their children. Being disabled can either be caused from a physical disability, learning disability, or a mental disability. Based on the Census of the United States of America, approximately forty one million of Americans are disabled. Majority of these disabled people are women, although the welfare reforms continue to push disabled single mothers to work. Services are provided to Disabled Single Mothers came from TANF and SSIUsually, the average income for an individual who is not disabled would be $22,000; however, a person with a disability would only earn approximately $12,000. Studies have found out that single mothers who are receiving assistance from the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families or TANF are disabled single mothers or mothers who have a disabled child. However, since the reform of the welfare programs, fewer disabled single mothers are getting help from TANF. Aside from that, the Social Security Income that also provides additional assistance to the disabled single mothers has set strict standards and criteria, lessening the number of its beneficiaries. Services provided by the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families or TANF would involve case management. This includes application of services from the Social Security Income for the disabled single mother. However, not all caseworkers who are handling the cases for disabled single mothers are aware of these services causing denial of application. The rates of applicants being denied are very high and alarming. The government took action last February 2009 when the National Council for State Legislatures has proposed that the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families office and the Social Security Income office should work together so that everything will work well. However, disabled single mothers need to know that the federal law does not allow approval of both services at the same time. One of the services provided by the Temporary Assistance to Needy Families is to refer the disabled single mothers to the Department of Labor, specifically on the One Stop Career Center. Disabled single mothers would be able to know which career and fields would be suitable for them to earn money even with the disability. There are also single mother programs that will be referred by One Stop to help disabled single mothers. Aside from that, single mother subsidies will also be provided to ensure that the child will receive proper care and nutrition. Keep in mind that services for disabled single mothers can vary from one state to another. The disabled single mother can check on the local social service agency so that she can check out the lists of services provided in a state. Testing and Screening Disabled Single Mothers with Learning DisabilitiesThe single mother and welfare reform programs have not recognized the existence of mothers with learning disabilities. Not until the recent times, screening learning disabilities are done to check the extent of the learning disability of the mother and to check whether the mother is capable of working even with the learning disability. If the case of the disability is just subtle, then the disabled single mother can undergo educational programs or vocational courses that can help her in getting a work. Studies have found out that if the learning disability is recognized, then the chances of being successful are possible. Many agencies can actually provide various services that a disabled single mother can utilize. There are single mother scholarships that are being offered for single mothers with learning disabilities. They can actually benefit from these scholarship programs because it offers various courses and trainings for handicapped women. Aside from that, if the disabled single mother can no longer support her child, there are single mother adoption options that a single mother can inquire.
Single Father in Kitchener
Apr 9, 2010 Fathering
My sons name is Samuel, it was his seventh birthday yesterday, and the only thing he asked for was that his mother would come home to visit him.
I’m Daniel, a single father in Kitchener. My wife, well, ex-wife Nikki, had been having an affair with a co-worker of hers for about three years; I never suspected a thing. The man whom she was having an affair with, James, is also a single father in Kitchener, he had no idea that Nikki and I were married and when he found out she was pregnant, he proposed, apparently he was planning to for sometime.
Anyways, being a single father in Kitchener isn’t all that easy, when Nikki left, I had to take on the mortgage by myself, and so Samuel and I ended up moving into a smaller place across town, he misses the old neighbourhood and it breaks my heart when he asks why we had to move.
Its been well over a year now since Nikki left, and I’ve began my ascent out of depression. A close friend of mine, Mike, has been a single father in Kitchener for five years now when his wife suddenly passed unexpectedly. He has been extremely helpful to me and an excellent friend. Although I know it isn’t true, some days I just feel like I’m the only single father in Kitchener, it can be really rough.
After living as a single father in Kitchener for nearly two years, I’ve finally met a woman who I am really bonding with. She went through a similar situation, has no children, but absolutely adores Samuel. They get along very well which is great for me because the last thing I want is to be a single father in Kitchener who is involved with someone who does not respect my son. I feel things are finally looking up for Samuel and I, and who knows, maybe I wont be a single father in Kitchener for much longer.
Single Fathers – From Coping With Stress To Conquering Your Stress!
Apr 9, 2010 Fathering
Being a father carries a huge amount of responsibility, but being a single father makes it somewhat harder, and given the current financial downturn it is potentially one of the most stressful times for a decade for many. Finding ways of reducing or even eliminating your stress is more crucial than ever, coping with stress and the effects it can bring is no longer an option!
Stress is already inherent in the hectic lifestyle that many of us live today. It’s a result of the demands that we place upon ourselves, and those expected of us by others. The expectations that we should have a full-time job, that we should all pay our taxes, that we should keep up with our social commitments, and that we should raise any children we have to be well educated and well rounded and adjusted human beings. Quality stress management is therefore vital to maintaining good mental and physical health.
Can you relate to ANY of the following?
*Do you ever experience sleepless nights?
*Do you struggle to find the motivation that you need to succeed?
*Do you lack affection for those around you?
*Do you often feel tired?
*Do you worry more than ideal?
*Are you ever uncomfortable during social situations?
*Do you sometimes feel uncertain or anxious?
If you can answer yes to any one of the above, it is more than likely that it may be a stress induced state. Along with the endless list of physical disabilities and complaints that living a life with too much stress can bring, it is imperative to understand that you are probably coping with stress and whether it is physically or mentally you are suffering you must learn appropriate stress reducing techniques to live a long, healthy and vibrant life for you and your children.
What can you do to reduce your stress?
You still need to work to keep the essential bills paid. You still need to maintain the social structure of your friendships, even if at a lower rate; and you must still bring your offspring up to respect the conventional things that we all recognize. Life will continue and much of your day to day routine will need to stay the same, however the following five simple step system should be highly considered as one of the quickest routes to a life of less stress…
* Maintain a healthy and balanced diet, including lots of fresh fruit and vegetables.
* Reduce the intake of alcohol.
* Reduce your intake of caffeine.
* Maintain a REGULAR and consistent exercise regime.
* Study stress reduction techniques and learn better ways to permanently manage your stressed state.
You can immediately put in to place the first four ingredients, with very little effort or expense, you have control over these facets to your life.
The last ingredient is also easy to find and to implement, it is just that so many do not realise that stress reduction programs have been developed for those coping with stress. It is relatively easy to find a suitable stress management program that coaches us in combating our stress. Many of these programs can be found on-line and by choosing the right one, you can learn how to handle stress in such a fashion that it does not accumulate and create mental, and physical health problems for you or your children. These programs will teach you all you need to know about reducing stress, thereby avoiding any problems that can manifest themselves if stress is left unchecked.
Some of the best stress relief management programs even come as a series of downloadable recordings enabling you to listen easily in the comfort of your own home, when it is convenient for you. It is possible that in a matter of days, you will feel an improvement, and within a few short weeks, you will have learnt how to deal with and eliminate stress for once and for all. Coping with stress should not be an option for single parents in 2009, these systems could be the breakthrough so many have sorely needed for many a year.
How well are you currently coping with stress? The sooner you start the right program for you, the sooner you will be able to channel those negative experiences away from your life and begin a new happier and healthier chapter for you and your family. Any investment in the learning of this most crucial self improvement will be repaid numerous times over, from stronger relationships with your children to a better quality of life. Just imagine if you removed your stress how good could you feel?
Home Jobs For Moms: A Guide To Choosing The Right Opportunity For Stay At Home Mothers
Apr 9, 2010 Mothering
When you are considering working from home, there is a set of decisions that must be made before anything. First, you need to know if you really have the skills and equipment to work from home. Then, you need to decide how you can put those skills to work – either through a telecommuting employer or your own business venture. There are many opportunities for working mothers to explore, especially online. Becoming a successful work from home mom is dependent on your research. Finding the right match for your skills, income expectations, and equipment is vital for a successful work from home venture.
Sometimes the best place to start a work from home career is where your last career ended. If you have done customer service in the past, there are a ton of virtual call centers such as LiveOps, West at Home, and Alpine Access that hire experienced customer service professionals and people with retail experience. Companies that hire home-based telemarketers are often looking for new workers and pay an hourly rate, with flexible schedules.When you work as a customer service agent from your home, you just need a reliable Internet connection and a working phone. Do you have experience in the hospitality industry? Some companies hire virtual concierges to schedule tasks for busy executives.
Experienced in childcare or teaching? There’s a growing demand for online tutors with the right qualifications and patience to teach kids online.
If none of the above seem to fit, there’s always a chance to use your skills to form your own administrative assistant business. Virtual assistants are becoming widely accepted as an essential member of the virtual workforce — and they can easily branch into new areas once they’ve grown a small list of clients. Usually, you need to have proficient internet skills and a comprehensive knowledge of word processing programs, as well as the ability to make and take calls from home.
If you want to start your own business, the opportunities are endless – but it will take some work and dedication. You can start with a direct sales company and sell products from an established brand to friends and neighbors. You’ll be working on commission, however, so you’ll need to plan your budget accordingly. Another option for starting your own business is offering a local business such as daycare, personal assistants, or pet walking. All of these will require that you leave the house from time to time, but they can help you generate income. Just be sure to check the licensing requirements in your state before you make a decision. If you’re more of a mompreneur than anything, you may want to start an online business.
Ebay stores and other retail prospects are always a good choice for moms, and there are many websites such as Work at Home Mom (http://WAHM.com) that have offer support and guidance for online ventures. Just make sure that you do your homework and don’t get caught up in any scams pr pyramid schemes – they seem to run rampant on the internet. Many stay at home moms have found a home in the internet marketing community by directing web traffic to a website and then recommending certain products and services.
Decide first what type of job you’d like to do and then work from there. You don’t have to limit yourself to one source of work from home income. Many moms take part-time telecommuting jobs while they work on building a business of their own. Don’t limit yourself to what you know, take time to explore your options. Make sure you find an online community for support that you can turn to for new ideas, job leads, and guidance. There are a ton of successful work at home moms out there that love to share their expertise.
Tags: Choosing, Guide, home, Jobs, Moms, Mother's, Opportunity, Right, Stay
Developing Co Parenting Skills: Working Together To Raise Happy Kids
Apr 7, 2010 Parents and Parenting
Co-parenting isn’t easy. It’s actually quite a chore. When neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting style to the other. As a parent educator and family therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused children affected by their parents’ inconsistent rules and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is that it is the parents’ responsibility to create a balance.
Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The differences can be as subtle as the setting of bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the challenge of joining forces with another adult who was raised by different parents and who may be select different strategies.
So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear and consistent, raise confident children, and feel influential as parents? They learn how to work together and become better co-parents! Here are several successful co-parenting steps:
We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and the conflict out of our lives.
Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group – Reprints Accepted – Two links must be active in the bio. The article homepage: http://www.familyauthority.com/articles/family-day.html
Tags: Developing, Happy, Kids, Parenting, raise, Skills, Together, Working
The Seven Keys of Being a Father
Apr 6, 2010 Fathering
Is there a fathering instinct?
Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson maintains that adults have a fierce desire to protect and nurture the next generation. This is the generative nature of parenting– to nurture and protect the next generation
We recognise this desire in women as the maternal instinct. Men’s strong desire to look after the next generation is best recognised through their protective instincts. Man as hunter and gatherer has always had the survival of his family and community as a motivating force.
But the generative notion of fathering extends way beyond protection of children. Generative fathering means that men help the next generation not just to survive, but to thrive and grow. It is in the wellbeing of the next generation that traditionally men have left their mark.
This generative or instinctive notion of fathering has been lost in recent years as men have spent less time around their children. Fathers may be born to the task of raising children but they need to be around children so they can nudge fathering out them.
Too often fathers see themselves as playing a role, when the essence of fathering is actually embedded in their own psyche and linked to their child’s development. According to Erikson there are seven tasks that a father carries out to ensure the well-being of the next generation. It is a brilliant framework that helps men move away from playing roles and gets them to focus on the needs of their children. The seven tasks of fathering, also known as fatherwork, are:
1. Ethical work: Men commit to acting in a child’s best interests. Research shows that when men make a strong commitment to look after the well-being of their baby then they will sustain long-term involvement and support for their child. Ethical work is shown when men make decisions about work and careers with their children’s best interests in mind.
2. Stewardship work: This aspect of fathering involves men providing for children and also helping them develop the resources and independence to look after themselves. In many ways this shows itself when dads take on a teaching role, which tend to do when they spend time with kids. Listen to a man when he interacts with his son and inevitably he will be showing him how to do something, even if it is how to kick a football.
3. Developmental work: This aspect of fathering refers to the notion of helping children deal with either sudden change, such as a death in the family, or normal developmental changes, such as moving into adolescence. Dads who do this work well support their children though difficulties and respond with understanding to changes in children’s development.
4. Recreational work: This aspect refers to men’s promotion of relaxation and learning for their children through play. This aspect of fathering tends to be a strong point for many dads, who are the kings of play. It is well-recognised that men play differently with children than mothers, which is fixed in the biological matrix. Men’s domain is rough play, sometimes destructive play and often involves a challenge whether intellectual (e.g chess) or physical.
5. Spiritual work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children develop values and a set of beliefs that will act as a compass as they move through adolescence and beyond. This involves counselling, teaching and advising. Many readers may remember their own fathers delivering stern lectures, which comes from this aspect of fathering. Good intentions, but poor delivery.
6. Relationship work: This aspect of fathering involves men helping children and young people form relationships and friendships. We do this by sharing our love and thoughts, by displaying empathy and understanding for a child and also by facilitating a child’s relationships with others. In recent times men have stayed out of this area but it is a part of fatherwork.
7. Mentoring: We complete the cycle by ensuring that we support our own children in their own generative work. This involves giving help, support and ideas for our own children when they move into adulthood. In recent years men have fallen down badly in this area as too many men have shallow relationships with their own fathers.
This framework for fathering has depth and breadth. It works on an instinctive level, but many influences come to bear to prevent this instinct and intuition from informing our action. Often it is useful to ask yourself – “What does this situation with my child require of me?” If a child is having friendship issues at school then relationship work is needed. If a child is feeling stressed and needs to relax then it is time for recreational work. If a child gets worked up through play then it is important to do some stewardship work and ensure a child calms down and regains control before bed. If a child is changing schools then it time for some developmental work, to help him or her cope with change.
If you are a father (mothers can do the same thing), reflect on some of the interactions that you have with children, and determine in which area of fatherwork do they fit. You will find that there is an area for each situation. As you respond to children’s needs think about the type of fatherwork you are doing. You will soon discover that you are involved in a variety of very important work. And it will change the way you think about fathering and provide a strong guide to how you should respond to children’s future needs.
Single Parenting Tip: Parenting and Drinking Just Do Not Mix
Mar 29, 2010 Parents and Parenting
Life seemed to be easier when it was a two parent home, responsibilities were shared with less stress. Now all of a sudden you are a single parent, Mr./Mrs. Everything. Your day starts early, getting the kids up for school, being at work until 5 PM and then rushing home to prepare dinner, stopping at the grocery store or even being the driver for those extra curricular activities. Your first, thought as you rise — here we go again.
Just when do you have the time to relax? Well, thank goodness for things like little league. This is a perfect opportunity to relax with other parents and have a few cool ones. Sometimes after games you can be the host parent for pizza and soda, at least for the little ones, and a perfect time to sit back and enjoy a few cold beers and let the day unwind and de-stress. It would be really cool during work, after a rousing sales meeting, if you could toast to future sales or something with a few brews. Drinking at work is, however, discouraged. Most businesses believe that alcohol impairs your thinking and they want you to be focused and alert. Businesses value both their employees and customers to much to risk mixing alcohol and business. Can you see their point? You need to remain sharp, focused and alert on your 8 hour work shift.So as a single parent why do many find time to combine drinking with parenting? How many single parents feel they need a Bloody Mary at 7:30 AM with their morning coffee? Why do you feel it’s necessary to have “happy hour” when you know in an hour or so you will probably have to help out with the homework or drive off for last minutes supplies or dance lessons? You know drinking and driving don’t mix. If you’re drinking, is it the best time to have that serious conversation with your teenager? Like your 9-5 job, parenting also requires you to stay sharp, focused and alert.Your work thinks your job is important and you have to refrain from drinking to fully concentrate. It’s fair to say parenting is a job and probably your most important “job” you will ever do. Parenting, just like your 9-5 job, is not a job that should be done with a slight buzz. As a single parent or dual parenting household your first instinct is to safeguard your children. You would never do anything to harm them. In fact most of us would do just about anything to protect them. If we protect our children at all costs, why do we think it is OK to drink and raise them?
Single Parenting – 7 Parenting Mistakes to Avoid With your Teenager
Mar 27, 2010 Parents and Parenting
Being a single parent inherently comes with challenges. As a counselor, often single parents ask what mistakes they need to avoid when parenting their teenager. Many single parents are concerned about any consequences of their divorce that could negatively affect their teenager. Here are some common mistakes to avoid:
Mistake 1: Lying to them
Honesty is always best, especially when parenting teenagers. First, today’s teenagers are quite savvy and know when they are being conned. Also, dishonesty only destroys trust, which is something that is needed most during this transitional time.
Mistake 2: Avoiding discipline
Wherever there is a lack of any discipline, there is manipulation. Dictionary.com provides this definition of discipline, “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.” Notice the emphasis on improved character rather than punishment.
Mistake 3: Eliminate any structure or routine
Divorce is a transitional time for everyone involved. Each person’s routine is adversely affected. A structured home environment filled with routines and chores provides a sense of order and ownership. This is beneficial particularly if there is chaos resulting from the divorce.
Mistake 4: Forget about them
As a single parent, you are forced to wear many hats and fill many different roles – often simultaneously. In addition, you are in the midst of trying to provide a stable home environment, work full time, and recover from the emotional adjustment of a being a single parent. In the midst of this, I encourage you to find some time to be intentional on spending time with your teenager on a regular basis. Help them to see that you are available to them, and concerned about any needs they may have.
Mistake 5: Continue fighting with your former spouse
If a marital relationship has been turbulent, then many teenagers anticipate a divorce will bring about a much needed sense of peace. However, if conflict continues after divorce has been finalized then your teenager may experience some emotional difficulty adjusting to the divorce. As much as you are able, try to keep any discussions with your former spouse cordial and focused on your teenager.
Mistake 6: Don’t get them any outside help
Divorce can affect teenagers in many different ways. Some may open up emotionally and sharing their feelings freely. However, others may withdraw from family and friends and become reclusive. Others may enter into some behavioral problems that may have not been there before. If you have any concerns about how your teenager is recovering from the divorce then I encourage you to seek out a qualified professional counselor.
Mistake 7: Assuming nothing is wrong
Another common parenting mistake is to assume that your teenager has been completely untouched by the divorce. There lives seem undisturbed as if the divorce is a minor incident in the tapestry of their lives. And this is true for many teenagers. However, there are others that will give the appearance that all is well, when in fact the opposite is the case. They may do this to save face for them, or they can react this way to give their parents one less thing to worry about. Communicate with your teenager on an ongoing basis about his/her feelings about their new life and its challenges.